After: A Short Story.

This lovely post was made with a friend of mine. It's full of win. (This is what happens on Christmas night in my world...) Enjoy. :)

J: He ogled her, his eyes roaming all over her eczema. 

A: He daftly whispered, “Es setzt die Lotion auf die Haut, und es lässt mich reiben Sie es auf”.

J: She was aroused in a way that was unbeknownst to her. She knew she needed to have him that very minute, and she said:

A: “Gimmie the butter, baby. Gimmie the butter!”

This concludes this weeks selection of the drama, “After”.

And remember kids:

XO,

-A

"Hang In There Sunshine, You're Friggin' Special"

**Bare with me because this was written in one sitting and it's a stream of consciousness tangent**


Okay, so I didn't want to write this blog at first because I didn't want my family to see it and think, "Oh my, she's sad. Let's cheer her up." Mostly because I'm not sad. I'm annoyed, frustrated, and a little pissed off - but not sad. I'm going to post this because I promised to myself that I'd be honest and if people disagree with me that's their opinion. I suppose I'll just get into it. I want to feel special. I want a guy to make me feel like all of my imperfections make me perfect. I want a guy to get excited when I call or text like I do when I like someone. I know it sounds emo but I'm happiest when I'm in a relationship. I like knowing that there is someone there to talk to when I'm lonely, calm me down when I'm upset, and make me smile from ear to ear. I kind of blame fairy tales. I mean look at what they've made us expect from a relationship?! "Happily ever after." Where are my flowers at work? My kisses in the rain? My "just because I love you" moments? As terrible as this may sound it makes me even more upset when I see someone that is genuinely not kind getting all of the above. I guess there is something to the saying that there is someone for everyone, it's just a matter of finding them. But what if I don't want to look anymore? What if all I really want is to be happy and in love? Is that really so much to ask? I'm done getting heartbroken and used. I just want someone to be honest with me from the start. I don't like games. I don't want someone to "circle yes or no" and write "maybe" instead. I'm seeing a lot of my friends happy, in love, and getting married and it just makes me wonder, "Why not me too?" Well, why not me too?! I've been in love once and it was everything I wanted it to be but it also came with a dangerous side effect: blindness. I was blind to all of the negative, before it became too much. It's true that there is no such thing as "perfect" but I also know that there has to be a close second that is different for everyone. There is so much more that I can write but I think this will do for now. Well, here's hoping...

(Click on the picture for the difference between love and falling in love)

                                                              

Since the comment section of this isn't working (you suck blogspot) here's a comment I received:
"You can only find true happiness within yourself. If you rely on someone else to make you happy, you will never be happy unless they are treating you perfectly the way you want them to, which will never happen. And finally you're just about to be 24. This society tells you you must be married before you're too old but that's total bullshit. Firstly, you're still plenty young. Secondly, marriage is a dated practice. It goes against human nature. Look at how many marriages end in this world. More than half. And I'm sure the majority of the ones who stay together aren't happy, just afraid to be alone.

So stop looking for your happiness in others and for some picture perfect life because you will never find it. Other people will ALWAYS let you down and having too high of expectations for life only sets you up for failure. Start looking within, not without." - Kyle

Thank you, Kyle. That is very true and something I need to start doing. Immediately.

XO,

-A

"Day" 3 - 30... I give up...

Okay, well obviously I am a terrible human being and I should not be allowed the privilege of having a blog. My 30 day music challenge has been going on since September 17th and I've only got two posts done. I give up. Screw 30 days and 30 separate posts. This post will be "days" 3 - 30. Enjoy. I know how excited you all must be.

Here are the previous two posts for your viewing pleasure.

Day 1 - Your favorite song

Day 2 - Your least favorite song

30 Day Music Challenge

(P.S., I'm not going to go into very much detail about the songs - this is more of a list to finish the damn posts.)

Day 3 - A song that makes you happy

Florence + The Machine - Dog Days Are Over

Day 4 - A song that makes you sad

A Fine Frenzy - Almost Lover

Day 5 - A song that reminds you of someone

Paolo Nutini - New Shoes

Day 6 - A song that reminds you of somewhere

Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody

Day 7 - A song that reminds you of a certain event

Mungo Jerry - In The Summertime

Day 8 - A song that you know all the words to

Jason Mraz - Wordplay

Day 9 - A song that you can dance to

Huey - Pop, Lock, & Drop It

Day 10 - A song that makes you fall asleep

Ray LaMontagne - Truly, Madly, Deeply

Day 11 - A song from your favorite band
The Beatles - Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds

Day 12 - A song from a band you hate

Creed - With Arms Wide Open

Day 13 - A song that is a guilty pleasure

Miley Cyrus - Party In The USA

Day 14 - A song that no one would expect you to love

Spank Rock - Bump

Day 15 - A song that describes you

Mandy Moore - Can't You Just Adore Her?

Day 16 - A song that you used to love but now hate

Beyonce - Single Ladies

Day 17 - A song that you hear often on the radio

Usher (Feat. Pitbull) - DJ Got Us Falling In Love

Day 18 - A song that you wish you heard on the radio

Pomplamoose - Little Things

Day 19 - A song from your favorite album

Michelle Branch - Empty Handed (Off of Hotel Paper)[I couldn't think of my favorite album so I chose one that I was obsessed with.]

Day 20 - A song that you listen to when you're angry

My Chemical Romance - I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

Day 21 - A song that you listen to when you're happy

Ke$ha - Take It Off

Day 22 - A song that you listen to when you're sad

Augustana - Boston

Day 23 - A song that you want to play at your wedding

Natalie & Nat King Cole - Unforgettable

Day 24 - A song that you want to play at your funeral

The Beatles - Let It Be

Day 25 - A song that makes you laugh

DJ Alligator Project - I Wanna Suck On Your Lollipop (Chipmunk version)

Day 26 - A song that you can play on an instrument

Liz Phair - Chopsticks

Day 27 - A song that you wish you could play

Queens Of The Stone Age - 3's & 7's

Day 28 - A song that makes you feel guilty

Papa Roach - Scars

Day 29 - A song from your childhood

Doris Day - Que Sera Sera

Day 30 - Your favorite song at this time last year

Kings Of Leon - Use Somebody

Okay. I'm tired and a little pissed off at this list. I'm NEVER doing a list this fucking long AGAIN!

k, thnx. bai.

XO,

-A

"Day" 2... yep...

Well, I suppose I should put another post up... I'm going to continue with the "30 Day Music Challenge". Today is my "day 2". In case you want to see the complete list and all of my responses I will put it up in each one of these posts with a link. You're welcome.

Day 1 - Your favorite song
Day 2 - Your least favorite song
Day 3 - A song that makes you happy
Day 4 - A song that makes you sad
Day 5 - A song that reminds you of someone
Day 6 - A song that reminds you of somewhere
Day 7 - A song that reminds you of a certain event
Day 8 - A song that you know all the words to
Day 9 - A song that you can dance to
Day 10 - A song that makes you fall asleep
Day 11 - A song from your favorite band

Day 12 - A song from a band you hate
Day 13 - A song that is a guilty pleasure
Day 14 - A song that no one would expect you to love
Day 15 - A song that describes you
Day 16 - A song that you used to love but now hate
Day 17 - A song that you hear often on the radio
Day 18 - A song that you wish you heard on the radio
Day 19 - A song from your favorite album
Day 20 - A song that you listen to when you're angry
Day 21 - A song that you listen to when you're happy

Day 22 - A song that you listen to when you're sad
Day 23 - A song that you want to play at your wedding
Day 24 - A song that you want to play at your funeral
Day 25 - A song that makes you laugh
Day 26 - A song that you can play on an instrument
Day 27 - A song that you wish you could play
Day 28 - A song that makes you feel guilty
Day 29 - A song from your childhood
Day 30 - Your favorite song at this time last year

Ok, enough blabbing. Time for... da da da dum...

30 Day Music Challenge

-Day 2: "Your Least Favorite Song"

This one is really hard for me. There aren't a lot of songs I genuinely hate. And if I do genuinely hate it chances are I've forgotten about it and it's terribleness. I do despise techno as a genre (it's somewhat tolerable and sometimes even funny if there are lyrics, but just the annoying noise?? NO!!) - does that count? No? Ok, fine. I'll randomly pick a techno song that sucks (like that'll be hard). The random youtube winner (i.e. loser) is... DJ Rosso vs. JFK - The Summer Is Magic. It's pretty terrible. I searched "shitty techno music" and clicked on the first one, listened to the chorus of that one and knew it was the winner. I really don't think I need to explain why, just listen to the amazing lyrics and fantastic music in the background. Keep earplugs handy, you'll need them.

Click to hear: The Summer Is Magic

XO,

-A

30 Day Music Challenge

I'm pretty sure I died...yup, that's my excuse.

Well, at least you know why I put "blog more" in my "30 Before Thirty" post... because I suck. Actually, it's because I don't have any of my own thoughts or ideas to share with you. That being said, I stole the idea for this blog post from my friend Adam (Thanks Adam!). As I'm sure you've figured out I have a borderline psychotic addiction to music, sooooo, what better to post about than music?? Here is what Adam put on Facebook and where I got the idea,

"30 Day Music Challenge
It's the 30 day music challenge.
Everyday for the next 30 days I'm going to dedicate a post to a certain song, according to the list. Here's the list. You should do it too! This should be fun!


Day 1 - Your favorite song
Day 2 - Your least favorite song
Day 3 - A song that makes you happy
Day 4 - A song that makes you sad
Day 5 - A song that reminds you of someone
Day 6 - A song that reminds you of somewhere
Day 7 - A song that reminds you of a certain event
Day 8 - A song that you know all the words to
Day 9 - A song that you can dance to
Day 10 - A song that makes you fall asleep
Day 11 - A song from your favorite band
Day 12 - A song from a band you hate
Day 13 - A song that is a guilty pleasure
Day 14 - A song that no one would expect you to love
Day 15 - A song that describes you
Day 16 - A song that you used to love but now hate
Day 17 - A song that you hear often on the radio
Day 18 - A song that you wish you heard on the radio
Day 19 - A song from your favorite album
Day 20 - A song that you listen to when you're angry
Day 21 - A song that you listen to when you're happy
Day 22 - A song that you listen to when you're sad
Day 23 - A song that you want to play at your wedding
Day 24 - A song that you want to play at your funeral
Day 25 - A song that makes you laugh
Day 26 - A song that you can play on an instrument
Day 27 - A song that you wish you could play
Day 28 - A song that makes you feel guilty
Day 29 - A song from your childhood
Day 30 - Your favorite song at this time last year"

I can't promise I'll actually do this everyday for 30 days in a row, but I can promise that I'll have material for at least 30 blog posts eventually!

I will try to go into as much detail about the song as possible and I urge you to comment with your own answer to that days post. Ok, well, enough of that. This is: da da da dum...

30 Day Music Challenge

-Day 1: "Your favorite song"

I have a new obsession song at least every week, but as for favorite? Hmm... I suppose I would have to go with,
The Beatles - Across The Universe. To be completely honest I'm not sure why. I went off the idea that if I had to listen to my favorite song every single day, multiple times a day, for the rest of my life I would like it to be that one.

(Ok, so that wasn't super detailed but I don't really know why it's my favorite. Maybe because every time I listen to it I feel at ease and content? Or because every time I hear it I have nothing but good memories to go along with it? Hmm, I guess I did go into some detail. GO ME!)

That's all I have for now...

Click to hear: Across The Universe

XO,

-A

Psuedo tangent...

So, I've been slacking pretty hardcore lately. It's a good thing no one reads my blog anyway or I'd have some pretty pissed people to deal with. This isn't even a blog post - it's an apology. An apology to the one person that actually reads this thing (me). Well, here it is...

Dear Ashley,
I'm sorry you suck so much at sticking with this whole "I'm gonna blog" thing. I'm sorry that your skin is delicious to mosquitoes. I'm sorry that your hand fell asleep while writing this. I'm sorry you have musical A.D.D. and can't listen to a whole song with out getting bored and changing it. I'm sorry you're a text-aholic. I'm sorry I'm jealous of how unbelievable amazing you are. I'm sorry your red hair is fading. I'm sorry you are already getting bored of this update. I'm sorry...

Fuck this. I'm too bored to keep coming up with HILARIOUS things I'm "sorry" about! Time for something else...

Hrm... something else...

Eh, I give up.

This picture was brought to you by: Natalie Dee.

*End post*

XO,

-A

30 Before Thirty... (Can she do it?!)

Ok, so per my sisters advice I'm going to copy her "30 Before Thirty" list and make my own. I'll be turning 30 on January 31st, 2017, so I've got some time. Some will be realistic - some will be ridiculous. Let's see how many I can accomplish, shall we? We shall!

1. Dye my hair a crazy color (Done, I went red)

2. Sing in front of people by myself without the help of "liquid courage" (Done, I sang "Some Kind Of Wonderful by Joss Stone. There wasn't a picture of me singing alone but at least here's proof I sang!)

3. Shoot a gun (Done, handgun and shotgun!)

4. Do something spontaneous and stay out all night when I have work the next morning (Done, karaoke then a casino in Indiana)

5. Go on a real vacation or road trip

6. Get married

7. Write a song

8. Participate in a Flash Mob [a large group of people who assemble suddenly in a public place, perform an unusual action for a brief time, then quickly disperse]

9. Get in shape

10. Kiss in the rain

11. Learn at least one song from start to finish on the guitar and piano
12. Have my own home
13. Go to Las Vegas and have money be "no object" for at least one evening
14. Finish school
15. Tell someone how I honestly feel about them - good or bad
16. Create a budget - and actually stick to it
17. Learn to like wine and or beer
18. Take more photos, of everything
19. Knit a scarf that I actually use
20. Take a dance class
21. Be an extra in a movie
22. Throw a "grown up" party where all the courses are homemade
23. Get the tattoo I've wanted since I was fifteen...
24. Break a bone doing something cool or heroic (ok, so I don't want to break a bone but if I do I want a cool story to go with it. I guess this one is more of an "if"?)
25. Go to Lollapalooza or more concerts in general (as least one a year)
26. Blog. I know this seems silly but I get so gung ho about it then just kinda stop
27. Learn to drive stick shift
28. Dance like no one is watching, while everyone is watching
29. Go to the top of a tall building and look over the edge without hyperventilating (this is going to be tough, I can't even go on the second floor of Woodfield Mall and stand next to the glass railing without freaking out)
30. Go to all the tourist attractions in Chicago

Ready? Set? Go!

Well, that's my list. I wrote it all at once so I might have to add more as I think of them, but we'll see! I'll update this list as I accomplish them. Wish me luck!

XO,

-A

I'm so scene it hurts.

(If you don't quite get what I mean by "scene" or "emo" this is what I feel I look like.)

It's official. I'm a 16 year old emo girl. My hair is red and black.  And you know what?? I love it! I adore having hair that says, "Look at me, I have so many fake issues that I'm going to take it out on my scalp. Oh no! Why are you looking at me? I'm going to take my way-too-long bangs and hide one of my eyes to make myself appear shy." This really isn't a blog post - more of a "my hair is amazing and yours isn't" post. Suck on that. While you're sucking on that look at this blurry (because my webcam is not the bee's knees) picture of my awesome hair. In fact - with the awesome hair that I now have I can officially call that picture artsy and no one can argue with me. Ha.

w00t w00t for me!

XO,

-A

Sarah Says...

"Ashley is special and we were supposed to go to the park but she's lame and we sat on my couch all night instead. We're giant fat ass losers that have no life. She's trying so hard not to look at what I'm writing but she's too damn excited that people are commenting on her notes! SHE'S SOOOOOO LAME!!! I hope you are happy now that you have forced me to write this. P.S. I hate your face."

Edit by Ashley: Thanks Sarah, love you too. This is why we're friends. <3

XO,

-A

The Post That No One Wants to Read. EVER.

I'm bored and I've been itching for some new music lately SoOoOoOoOo... I've decided to list EVERY ARTIST IN MY ITUNES LIBRARY!!!! I'm so jealous of you. Shall we get started?? I think so!

*SKIP OVER THIS NEXT PART, IT'S REALLY BORING*

Aaliyah, Academy Is, Across the Universe, Adele, Aerosmith, Afroman, Alanis Morissette, The All-American Rejects, Aly & AJ, Ambulance LTD, Amy Winehouse, The Animals, Anna Nalick, The Arcade Fire, Architecture In Helsinki, Ashanti, Ashlee Simpson, The Ataris, Augustana, Avril Lavigne

The B-52's, B.o.B., Band of Skulls, Barenaked Ladies, The Beach Boys, The Beatles, Beck, Belle & Sebastian, Beyoncé, Bigwig, Billy Joel, The Black Eyed Peas, The Black Keys, Black Sabbath, Blink 182, Blondie, Bloodhound Gang, Blue October, Bob Dylan, Bob Marley, Bon Iver, Boston, Bowling For Soup, Boy George and the Culture Club, The Bravery, Britney Spears, The Broken West, BTO, Busta Rhymes

Cage The Elephant, Cake, Camera Obscura, Carly Simon, Cassie, CCR, Chairlift, Chaka Kahn & Rufus, Charlie Daniels Band, Chemical Brothers, Cher, Cherish, Cherry Poppin' Daddies, Chester French, Chicago, Christina Aguilera, Citizen Cope, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah!, Colbie Caillat, Cold War Kids, Coldplay, Common, Copeland, Corey Hart, Counting Crows

Damien Marley, Dashboard Confessional, Dave Matthews Band, David Bowie, De La Soul, Dead Or Alive, Dean Martin, Death Cab for Cutie, The Decemberists, Deep Purple, Delta Spirit, Devo, DJ Danger Mouse, Dolly Parton, Don McLean, Donna Summer, Donovan, Doobie Brothers, Drake, Dropkick Murphys

Early November, Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros, Elton John, Elvis Presley, Emii, Emily Osment, Eminem, En Vogue, Enur, Eric Clapton, Eric Hutchinson, Erin McCarley, Estelle, Etta James, Evanescence, Eve 6, Everclear

The Faders, Fall Out Boy, FeFe Dobson, Feist, Fenix TX, Fergie, A Fine Frenzy, Fiona Apple, Fleetwood Mac, Flogging Molly, Flyleaf, Foo Fighters, Foreigner, Fort Minor, The Frames, Frank Sinatra, Frank Zappa, Franz Ferdinand, The Fratellis, The Fray, Frou Frou
Garbage, Gavin DeGraw, George Michaels, George Thurgood, The Get Up Kids, The Glee Cast, Gogol Bordello, Gomez, Goo Goo Dolls, Good Charlotte, Gorrillaz, Grandfunk Railroad, Grateful Dead, Green Day, The Guess Who, Guster, Gym Class Heroes

Hall & Oates, Heart, Hellogoodbye, Hilary Duff, Hollywood Undead, Hot Hot Heat, Howie Day, The Hush Sound

Imogen Heap, Incubus, Ingrid Michaelson, Iron and Wine
Jack's Mannequin, Jack Johnson, The Jackson 5, James Blunt, James Taylor, Jamie Cullum, Janis Joplin, Jason Mraz, Jason, Reeves, Jay-Z, Jay Sean, Jennifer Lopez, Jens Lekman, Jet, Jewel, Jimi Hendrix, Jimmy Buffet, Jimmy Eat World, John Mayer, Johnny Cash, Jordin Sparks, Joss Stone, Journey, Juanez, Justin Timberlake

Kansas, Kanye West, Kate Nash, Kate Voegele, Katy Perry, Katy Rose, Ke$ha, Keane, Kelly Clarkson, Kevin Rudolf, KiD CuDi, Kid Rock, The Killers, The Kills, Kimya Dawson, Kings Of Leon, The Kinks, KT Tunstall

La Rocca, Lady Antebellum, Lady GaGa, Lady Sovereign, Landon Pigg, Led Zeppelin, Lenka, Lily Allen, Linkin Park, Lisa Loeb, Liz Phair, Louis Prima, Lucky Boys Confusion, Ludacris, Lupe Fiasco, Lyke Li, Lynard Skynard

M.I.A., Mad Caddies, Madonna, Mandy Moore, Marilyn Manson, Mat Kearney, The Matches, MC Hammer, Meatloaf, Melissa Etheridge, Metro Station, MGMT, Michael Jackson, Mika, Miley Cyrus, The Monkees, Morningwood, Mungo Jerry, Muse

Natasha Beddingfield, Neil Diamond, Neil Sadaka, Nelly Furtado, No Use For A Name, Norah Jones

O.A.R., The Offspring, Otis Redding, Outkast
Paolo Nutini, Paramore, Paul McCartney, Paul Simon, Pink Floyd, Prince, Puddle Of Mudd

Queen, Queens Of The Stone Age

R.E.M., R.E.O. Speedwagon, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Rhianna, Rilo Kiley, Rod Stewart, The Rolling Stones, Run DMC

Salt N' Pepa, Saves The Day, Scissor Sisters, Selena Gomez & The Scene, Shania Twain, Sheryl Crow, Silversun Pickups, Simon and Garfunkel, Sleigh Bells, Smashmouth, Sonny and Cher, Stevie Nicks, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Stevie Wonder, Styx, Sublime, The Submarines, Supertramp

Taylor Swift, Tegan & Sara, The Ting Tings

U2

Van Halen, Vanilla Ice, Vertical Horizon

War, Weezer, The White Stripes

Yeah Yeah Yeahs

ZZ Top

311

*THIS IS WHERE YOU SHOULD START READING AGAIN*

I can't believe I actually had the concentration to write all of that out, I really have no life... I'm not even sure why I did that... I guess I enjoy hearing myself talk and since talking to yourself is completely crazy, I typed to myself! Much more logical. Obviously. If anyone actually read my entire list of music (p.s., I have more too, sad) I give you 3,896 brownie points. Congrats.

Ok, I'm bored with this post. I'm gonna stop now. But please, appease me and comment with some music that I'm missing.

K. Thnx, bai.

XO,

-A

How to Be the Perfect Asshole (A Step-by-Step Guide).

So I'm already slacking on blogging...yay me. Tons has happened during my little "hiatus"... I wasn't going to post it on here because I didn't want to come across as whiny but you know what?? This is my blog to bitch and moan about whatever the hell I want to bitch and moan about; so I'm going to. Suck on THAT! Not that you would know anything about him, but, boyfriend and I broke up (so I suppose I should refer to him as ex-boyfriend, yes?). I will spare you the details of everything just because I'm too lazy to type it all out but, I will say this; Break ups are a LOT easier when you can be mad at that person. What the hell is up with breaking up on good terms?!?! It's stupid. If you no longer want to be in a relationship with someone, there should be hurt feelings, anger, and hatred. It makes the "moving on" process a ton easier. But breaking up on good terms?! Nooooooooo... not in the slightest bit... Then it's all "...it's not you, it's me..." and "I'm far to inferior to your greatness to have you be seen in public with me..." Not cool guys, not cool. Let me give you a list of things you should do when you break up with a girl...

Break Ups for Dummies

Step 1: Make her cry. This is more of a test. If she cries, then she really cares. If she really cares you can proceed with the next step; if not, then she's already over you and you can go about your business.

Step 2: Attack her "Achilles Heel". Bring up something from the past that she confided in you. Something that will really hit a nerve for her. The bigger jerk you are to her, the faster she'll hate you and get over you.

Step 3: Lie. If she asks you if you cared about her the same way she cared about you, say no. Don't give an explanation. The more vague you are the better.

Step 4: Don't help her. If she needs help gathering her belongings, just watch her struggle. Assistance shows caring, and we don't want that now do we?

Step 5: Don't make eye contact. No eye contact will show a lack of interest on your end. Also (and this is VERY IMPORTANT) do not, I repeat, DO NOT watch her as she leaves because if she turns around and see's you watching her she is going to think there is still something there.

Step 6: You are now single, lonely, and an asshole. Congrats. Whether or not it's true, she now believes that she is MUCH better off without you.

DISCLAIMER!

**I don't actually condone any of this behavior, but it made me feel better writing it. So I did. If a guy ever broke up with me like this I would probably just kick him in his balls and be done with it. Just sayin'.

XO,

-A