**Bare with me because this was written in one sitting and it's a stream of consciousness tangent**
Okay, so I didn't want to write this blog at first because I didn't want my family to see it and think, "Oh my, she's sad. Let's cheer her up." Mostly because I'm not sad. I'm annoyed, frustrated, and a little pissed off - but not sad. I'm going to post this because I promised to myself that I'd be honest and if people disagree with me that's their opinion. I suppose I'll just get into it. I want to feel special. I want a guy to make me feel like all of my imperfections make me perfect. I want a guy to get excited when I call or text like I do when I like someone. I know it sounds emo but I'm happiest when I'm in a relationship. I like knowing that there is someone there to talk to when I'm lonely, calm me down when I'm upset, and make me smile from ear to ear. I kind of blame fairy tales. I mean look at what they've made us expect from a relationship?! "Happily ever after." Where are my flowers at work? My kisses in the rain? My "just because I love you" moments? As terrible as this may sound it makes me even more upset when I see someone that is genuinely not kind getting all of the above. I guess there is something to the saying that there is someone for everyone, it's just a matter of finding them. But what if I don't want to look anymore? What if all I really want is to be happy and in love? Is that really so much to ask? I'm done getting heartbroken and used. I just want someone to be honest with me from the start. I don't like games. I don't want someone to "circle yes or no" and write "maybe" instead. I'm seeing a lot of my friends happy, in love, and getting married and it just makes me wonder, "Why not me too?" Well, why not me too?! I've been in love once and it was everything I wanted it to be but it also came with a dangerous side effect: blindness. I was blind to all of the negative, before it became too much. It's true that there is no such thing as "perfect" but I also know that there has to be a close second that is different for everyone. There is so much more that I can write but I think this will do for now. Well, here's hoping...
(Click on the picture for the difference between love and falling in love)
Since the comment section of this isn't working (you suck blogspot) here's a comment I received:
"You can only find true happiness within yourself. If you rely on someone else to make you happy, you will never be happy unless they are treating you perfectly the way you want them to, which will never happen. And finally you're just about to be 24. This society tells you you must be married before you're too old but that's total bullshit. Firstly, you're still plenty young. Secondly, marriage is a dated practice. It goes against human nature. Look at how many marriages end in this world. More than half. And I'm sure the majority of the ones who stay together aren't happy, just afraid to be alone.
So stop looking for your happiness in others and for some picture perfect life because you will never find it. Other people will ALWAYS let you down and having too high of expectations for life only sets you up for failure. Start looking within, not without." - Kyle
Thank you, Kyle. That is very true and something I need to start doing. Immediately.
XO,
-A
